Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
