This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize