So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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