9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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