you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
