I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
