if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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