So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize