She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
