It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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