You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
