i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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