I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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