no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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