just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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