i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
