Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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