That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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