a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
