Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
