I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
