maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
