So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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