You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
