Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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