please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
