it wasn't lemon gatorade
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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