A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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