She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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