i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you never un-have a 4some
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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