You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
