Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
