i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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