she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize