Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
