That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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