Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
