I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
