well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
