I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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