Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
