If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All the doctor said was why
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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