I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize