After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
