I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
