it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
