College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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