are you so shy because you have an std?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
