Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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