shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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