fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
