There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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