Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
