I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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