butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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