my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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