Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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