apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
