She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
