Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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