I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
