Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a beard to bite.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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