all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
