i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
