Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
