she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you would pick up someone in the library
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
