her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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