You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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