let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
