i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
