Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
