just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
